I’ve been there, done that, and never hope to do it again. Here are the 4 (Types of) People we should all leave in the past:
Mr/Ms Just Because. Rarely questions the status quo and commits to behaviors as they are familiar not because they enhance or are fruitful. Their defense of an action tends to start with, ‘well that’s just how things were in my household/neighborhood/relationships, etc.‘ Intent and purpose should be meaningful components to any adult’s thought process. Personally, I struggled with dating Mr. Just Because as he lacked creativity, individuality, and drive–rarely understanding the why behind his actions. An example is a man that wanted a “good, Christian woman” but rarely went to church. Or the guy that wanted a wife and kids but had no place to live. We’re often creatures of habit and therefore do things deemed ‘normal’ and consistent with the pattern of our lives. However, we must also check in regularly to confirm where we are and what we want are aligned with where we’re trying to go. Not passively, but purposefully.
Mr/Ms Who Me? A first cousin to Just Because, this person rarely bothers with introspection as actions are based on learned behavior versus evolved thinking. She’s the woman that’s had every man cheat on her but still questions why. He’s the overly sensitive guy that blames every argument on his partner. My first experience with Mr Who Me came back in the mid 2000s. While he was a nice guy, he never understood why his relationships were riddled with issues, problems, and resentment. Everything happens for a reason and the blessing in having a past is the ability to learn from it. If nothing is ever accepted as your fault or your mistake, how can you improve as a friend or partner? Use the insight from your past to inform decisions in your future. An easy way to be better tomorrow is to recognize your shortcomings today.
Mr/Ms Pretender. In a previous post, I mentioned dating a guy that spoke of dreams but never supported them with actions. He lusted after material possessions and positions of power because they’d help sync his external representation with his internal idea of himself. He was a pretender. Anyone can assign descriptions (I’m conservative, an active listener, forgiving, faithful, etc.) to himself without truly embodying the traits. People assume pretenders don’t know who they are but I disagree. They know exactly who they are which is why they opt to be something else. My ex was running away from stereotypes plaguing his family and community and soon believed he was the character he’d created. But I could always see through his facade into the soul of someone that feared not being accepted, loved, or wanted. While I felt bad for his plight, it doesn’t behoove anyone to connect their life to a sham. Be authentic in hopes of finding someone accepting of your good, bad, and in-between.
Mr/Ms Hypocrite. The best aspect of this person is transparency. You’ll see red flags swaying in the wind within the first few weeks of dating. She’ll laugh at juvenile actions made by your ex but within a few weeks, step squarely in the same shoes. His sanctimonious chastisement of someone else’s poor parenting skills is laughable considering he’s not called his child in two months. A hypocrite’s nature is to judge others for exact behaviors he exhibits. That’s probably why the person speaking loudest against a position may actually be the one exhibiting it. Hypocrites are twins to Pretenders – not only in hiding the truth of who they are, but taking a vocal role in speaking against those qualities. Unfortunately, they probably don’t think this post is about them.
What Types of People do you vow to leave in your past? Add your comments below! If you enjoyed this post, be sure to check out “4 Reasons We Date Projects”
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(originally shared February 11, 2014)