6 Signs You’re Dating a “Playmate”

November 12, 2013

If you missed the definition of the Play/Datemate, read HERE.

Sigh. The Play/Datemate is a tough one for me as I’ve found myself in this scenario more times than I care to count. Usually, things begin with hope-filled  hearts and wishful thinking. As I stated in a previous post, there’s a superficial rightness about this dynamic that keeps us planted firmly in a situation not meant for our purpose. We want and need to believe in love and romance so we unhappily skip along knowing the entire time this isn’t how we ever envisioned our happily ever after.

After pondering this category (Playmate + Datemate), I believe it best to separate the two to more accurately identify the signs. For example, Playmates will misuse your heart while Datemates misuse your time. Both categories have their fair share of frustrations but here are the 6 Clear Signs You’re Dating a Playmate.

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1) The only real criteria for you being together is, “we just fit.” I’ve talked to too many friends that are now divorced or unhappily married because their primary criteria for uniting was as superficial as their wedding cake toppers. Just as other people’s opinions of your dynamic shouldn’t be the main reason you get together or stay together, nor should resumes, location,  and organizational affiliations.

2) You’re always confused because words & actions aren’t in sync. Playmates will show you one thing but tell you something completely different. They play with your emotions, even if unintentional. He loves you but won’t commit. She respects you but lies to you. He loves the sound of your voice but rarely answers your calls. It’s important to process both what is said and what is done to avoid confusion and not wind up expecting an unrealistic outcome.

3) There is comfort and familiarity. Not all aspects of Playmates are negative. Authentic affection is a benefit as playmates crave physical interaction and emotional exchanges. Typically, you can laugh and be yourself as you both know enough about the other to feel a certain ‘closeness.’ While it is considered a benefit, such shared intimacy is culprit #1 for your inability to walk away from this complicated and stagnant situation.

4) Too many conversations start with “I”. In real partnerships, there’s a shared belief that when each person focuses on taking care of the other, the relationship thrives. However, Playmates are concerned more with themselves and how they look, feel, grow, than the other person. Every conversation comes back to them and how they perceived it rather than trying to understand a different point of view. Playmates lack respect for the shared entity – your relationship.

5) There is an imbalance and constant struggle for control.The force is strong between the two of you.  Although you have ‘feelings’ for one other, you’re so afraid of being hurt/betrayed that you’d rather fall into the vicious cycle of game playing. Defining vulnerability and transparency as weakness will prove barriers to making something grow from this entanglement. You won’t get what you’re unable to give.  

6) The dynamic lacks depth. There MUST be a deeper connection between two people for anything of substance to come from the union. Playmate dating is superficial and sometimes even artificial as it centers around external factors versus being grounded in shared values and beliefs. If getting to know the essence of who you are isn’t on their list of priorities, it’s time to stop being played.

So are you currently dating a Playmate or are you the Playmate? If so, is it working for you or have you found yourself yearning for more substance? Post your comments below!

CHECK OUT THE FOLLOW UP BLOG POST: “6 SIGNS ITS A DATEMATE”

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4 Comments

  • Reply 5 Questions Men Should Ask Before Approaching Women | Renita's Mynd Matters | Renita's Mynd Matters August 3, 2014 at 9:27 PM

    […] get married, maybe you shouldn’t approach her if you’re unemployed and striving to be a playmate. You should enhance her life, not cripple it. As amazing as you might think you are, take time to […]

  • Reply 6 Signs It's a Datemate | Renita's Mynd Matters | Renita's Mynd Matters May 12, 2014 at 10:38 PM

    […] I mentioned in the Playmate post, I’ve been in this dynamic too many times to count. However, I’ve typically been the […]

  • Reply 6 Signs You’re Dating a “Laymate” | Renita's Mynd Matters January 7, 2014 at 8:08 PM

    […] CHECK OUT “6 SIGNS YOU’RE DATING A PLAYMATE“ […]

  • Reply 6 Signs It’s a “Datemate” | Renita's Mynd Matters December 12, 2013 at 8:51 AM

    […] I mentioned in the Playmate post, I’ve been in this dynamic too many times to count. However, I’ve typically been the […]

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