Below are the final responses received of your “EX”PERT ADVICE! Hopefully after reading through Parts 1, 2, and 3, we’ll all have much more clarity and far less disappointment from learning things the hard way. Take a look at the following 11 lessons learned from those with whom we once shared our love and our lives.
- Refills not depletion. If the relationship drains you (of time, money, energy) versus replenishing you, let it go. Life is too short to deal with the burden of someone else’s complication. #NoMoreTaking
- Our bodies signal problems. While in a three year relationship, my weight increased significantly and I consistently felt tired, stressed, depressed, and frustrated. As soon as I broke things off and walked away for good, my joy returned and I no longer felt a heavy burden on my body, mind, or spirit. #BurdenLifted
- I can choose me. “Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that just didn’t work out.” I’d always put my boyfriends first and make concessions on my boundaries because I wanted them to choose me. I quickly realized after doing this several times I couldn’t expect a man to prioritize me if I didn’t. #MeFirst
- There is no such thing as common sense. What is significant/important to you, may be insignificant/unimportant to your partner. Which is why not only communication but acceptance of this concept is vital to a relationship. You won’t always understand it, but you have to accept it. #CommonSenseisntCommon
- Indifference ruins relations. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. If you don’t care enough to fight for the success of your relationship, it is destined to fail. #Care2Fight
- Gossip is sometimes helpful. It’s easy to dismiss gossip about people or for them to say it’s untrue when you’re early in the relationship. But there are definitely times when what you’ve heard through the grapevine is accurate, real, and should be taken into consideration. Not all rumors are wrong as we are our choices/decisions/actions. #ListenCarefully
- Know your role. I grew up as a “hero” or what others may call being “captain save em.” So anytime I heard what sounded like a problem, I was ready to jump in and save the day by telling her what she needed to do. She helped me realize that sometimes people just need you to listen. In all my encounters with people now, if they do not specify what role they want me to play as an active listener, I ask them do they want me to just listen or would they like me to provide my opinion when they’ve finished. #KnowtheNeed
- Give credit to actions, not just words. It’s easy for someone to say they love you or care about you but it’s another thing to have them demonstrate it through their actions. I’ve had too many exes say all the right things while doing all the wrong ones. #ShowMe
- They can’t be your everything. My last relationship taught me not to require too much from the other person. I can’t expect them to “fix” my past or make everything in my life better. I have to accept what they are and what they are capable of and appreciate that. If not, I’ll always be disappointed. #ManageExpectations
- Don’t try to hold onto someone that doesn’t want to hold onto you. If a man/woman keeps pushing to leave, let him. Their exit could be the best day of your life. #Goodbye
- Be a lady. A man doesn’t need me to be his homeboy, he wants me to be his woman. #LessonsinWomanhood
Thanks again to everyone that submitted EXpert Advice!
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