“I Assumed You…” (a Poem)

September 13, 2013

From the very beginning

I assumed you

 –

I assumed you wouldn’t hurt me

With inconsistency and negativity

If your mind and body could ensure my peace

I assumed you wouldn’t disrespect me

By consciously dismissing me and my needs

Simply to satisfy something with no substance only a quick release

I assumed you couldn’t lie to me

And fill my head with fantasies and pleasantries that equate to nothing

Cause I assumed that wasn’t your style

 –

I was consumed by my own assumptions though

I was consumed by the words that slipped from your soft lips

and landed in the puddle that resided between my ears

Cause I desired your attention

Not to mention my consumption with your touch and feel that led me to

Unchartered places and unknown spaces in my heart’s atmosphere

My illusions consumed me

How dare I contemplate a future when the past is all you live in

Giving in to your pushing and tugging at my heart’s strings

How dare I dream scenes of love and friendship and happiness and everything

How dare I simply dream of you

Maybe we so happened to collide one night

Misdirected vessels

Say we coincidentally decided that the strength it took to get us here would be present and consistent afterwards

Our mass confusion

My disillusion

Meant hurt for me and pain for me and an apology for you

 –

I find shame in my knowing that I can’t blame you

A truth discovered when I glanced at my own track record

Being an adult means more than being of age

It’s a reality that sheds light on one’s own inconsistency

My disconnects          my mistakes                my moments in history

Excuse me for considering something past our here and now

Forgive me for thinking of walks along the beach and late night dances under the stars

 –

I did not remind myself that you were unreliable and unstable

I did not remember to never forget that you were untrustworthy

I stopped contemplating your good and I made you good enough

I made you the man that I saw in your future form

Which left me torn

And tattered and tried and alone

Still assuming that you were not the voice that lied to me

Still believing you were not the eyes that looked elsewhere for affection

Another woman’s confection

So now I stand as the shadow alongside you

Now I am ignorance walking in light

Now I have a story from which to speak

A strength that evolved from weeks of weakness

Now I no longer have to assume

Because now

I know you.

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