REALities About Relationships (Part Two)

April 7, 2015
Dating and Relationship Rules

If you read Part One, you understand the whys behind this writing. ‘Relationships get ill’ and it’s important to circulate truth to build awareness and understanding. Everything is flawed, and most relationships are far from perfect. Regardless of what people choose to convey via social media or even mouth-to-ear, the REALity of their partnership may be quite different. So here is Part Two of the REALities about Relationships.

Don’t forget: A relationship will only work if you do. 

4. Few people get the concept of ‘accountability’ – I discussed accountability in a previous post. Here’s my take: While a position or title makes one responsible, the response to an issue demonstrates a person’s willingness to be accountable. In dating, I’ve come face to face with the consequences of the ‘unaccountable’ and it wasn’t pretty. Blaming someone else for their issues or problems and never fully owning their role in mistakes was an ever-present reality in our tilt-a-whirl of a relationship. When someone isn’t willing to accept the consequences of his actions, a partnership will never make forward progress. Constantly having to argue and battle for every inch of understanding is tiring and just plain tired. I’ve dating guys that acted more like scorned victims rather than mature adults when they didn’t like the outcome from their mistakes. I guess no one wants to always feel like the bad guy even if their decisions are bad-guy-title-worthy. If the relationship is worth it, from time to time the fault may be owned by the other person in an effort to simply keep the peace. The person in the ‘wrong’ may not always do the right thing and be accountable. I’ve definitely offered apologies while believing I had nothing for which to apologize. Should your partner be accountable more often than not? Yes (with some guys there is typically a wait period involved). Will it be 100% of the time? Strongly doubt it.

5. Your friendships will become barometers for success vs. previous relationships – Through dating, asking and watching, I’ve discovered a trend extending far beyond my four walls. At some point, women stopped comparing romantic relationships to previous entanglements of the same name and instead switched to using interactions with platonic friends as the standard. For women, we vision board, we brunch, we discuss, we debate, we resolve, we express, we seek ways to grow. I’m not saying there aren’t men that enjoy some (or all) of these activities but women more consistently partake. The truth is, I want a guy that can appreciate good conversation without getting defensive or stumbling over his words/feelings. I want a partner that yearns to hear about my purpose, passions and plans without feeling belittled, insufficient or bored. I want a lover that can explore the depths of my body and my mind–equally. I envision a future life with someone that doesn’t run from the freedom within expression, but defends it mightily. I need a confidante that celebrates my voice rather than allowing his ego to silence it. My friends do that for me. They listen to my mountaintop moments just as they comfort me through disappointments and failures. They accept who and how I am without asking for do overs, whispered words or meaningless apologies. And that’s why we’re using this new metric to assess relationships. It’s real and pure. Unfortunately, guys use their friendships as a gauge too. Do you see how this could create a strange dynamic between men and women?

But don’t fret, even though relationships can be complicated and messy and even emotional at times, a good one can also be beautiful and rewarding. While you may find your greatest challenge in one, you can discover your deepest expression of love in another.

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But I’d love to hear from YOU! What do YOU think the #6 REALity should be? Post your comments or send me a message! 

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